Yep, you read that right. We don’t eat no dead birds ’round these parts. We’ll have a vegetarian feast instead. And you can tell by looking at us that we are NOT starving. So, Happy Tofurkey Day to family and friends. And anyone else who has stumbled into this den of rogues, scoundrels, n’er-do-wells, and blackest of sheep.

Today’s culinary tip: What kind of wine should one enjoy with a fake “turkey”? Most experts, including myself, would suggest limiting it to either red, white or pink. Anything else would be a major faux pas.

Now, could you kindly please pass the Tofurky, the nut loaf, the potatoes, the stuffing, the corn, the soup, the bread, the gravy (of course), and both kinds of pie? You can keep the cranberry sauce ;-p